crossover

Where my Anger Goes

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by Lia Kastiyo-Spinósa
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Mictlantecuhtla, 2022 by Cortina
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1

 

r a b i a

, la que siento

 

hey, du, nicht vergessen, immer lachen!

-ahora la risa viene menos....

are you sad? y esa carita?

cuántas veces quise responderte, responderles

 

me contuve.

…tal así que el valor de contenerme, desplazó mi dignidad

 

I don't want to be afraid to reply you back

to send you to hell, to shout at your face

 

la nina buena, la santa, la modesta

I don't wanna be her

no, you don't deserve it

You deserve my worst me

And to be skipped from my grandmother prayers

 

and now don't tell me you seriously thought I was this behaved

that I was a crazy like all of them

like the ones who as me, called you upon 

 

Many times i have swallowed my anger

la rabia, la he tragado, ocultado

hardly any other action me da more culpa

hating my inability to reply back

hating this female body socializado to hold as much

 

 

2

 

What do we do with our anger? Where do we sweep it away?

I ask myself every night while it hurts me in the throat not yelling it aloud 

every, like every other night, sweeping the anger away

 

i carry it with me 

my bed knows 

My favorite plant knows the things I don’t say,  and swallow every morning after hearing the news

getting used to the violencia, the exploitation, the injustice

And still, I say I am not angry, 

 

maybe

only

because 

lo peor de lo peor don't surprise me anymore

But is that even true, sis?



 

3

 

Te imposibilitas la vulnerabilidad

 

Te crees más fuerte que tu entorno

Y que debes responder, estar atento…

 

Excepto cuando te llaman a hacerlo

Eso No

 

Marcas el paso

Muestras tu presencia casi que imponiendo quien eres

Esa mirada que desnuda

, Fijada en mi espalda,

Pero no te das cuenta,

Que mientras más me miras, más me alejas

 

Solo

te quedas

 

Esa

Masculinidad

ya hace tiempo

la saqué de mi lado

 

These poems were created in the frame of Like Water, an artistic project from Wepsert eV and Migrazine, which took place between 5th and 20th of May 2022. My own review on the exhibition can be read here.

Lia Kastiyo-Spinósais a Caribbean editor, writer and cultural worker. Raised in South America and living in Vienna since 2018, Lia survives life in Europe thanks to the migrant community, plants and dance. She uses her interdisciplinary work to express her personal critique of the world and invites the audience for an active engagement. Since 2019 she has been a member of the editorial team of Migrazine and currently also coordinates the magazine.